Hear to Serve

I do not have all the answers. When it comes to our faith and teachings of the Church, there is a lot I do not know. I really wish that were not the case. I would love to be able to write a homily, a bulletin column, or have a marriage preparation session where all the answers would just be there. I wish I could look at the weekly readings and just know how they all work together. I wish I could be eloquent, saying things in just the right way. I would love to be like St. Peter and have my words bring thousands to Christ. I am not St. Peter. I am not meant to be St. Peter. But even St. Peter was not always that St. Peter.

All of us have experienced a time when all our efforts come together just right. Someone asks us a question or comes to us for advice, and we are able to give just the right answer. The family gathering or party we spent so much time preparing for was picture perfect. Sometimes it is like this for Mass. When the homily, music, incense, flowers, and everything come together just right we can be moved by the perfectness. We are elated and feel that if we practice even a little harder next year, or plan even more, we could get even better results.

I must be honest. I want to do a good job. I do not want to disappoint Jesus. But where I meet Christ is not in these triumphs; I meet Christ in the struggle. Jesus is there in my most humbling moments of doubt. He is there in my most embarrassing admissions in Confession. Jesus is there when I say, “I do not know,” especially when others think I should know.

Jesus is also at the Mass where the lector stumbles over a few words but goes on. He is there when kids cry or do not want to stay in one place. He is also there when the server rings the bell too early or when the message of the homily is a tough one to hear.

It is in the imperfect times that we know it is not about us. We are not the ones who have the perfect words, the perfect performance, the perfect lives. We do not even have the perfect prayer. We are the ones who are broken, confused, complacent, tired, and blind to so many of our sins. We are the ones who see the worst in others before seeing the worst in ourselves and our need for our Lord and Savior.

There is good news. There is hope because it is when we realize how spiritually poor we really are just like the tax collector, that’s when Christ hears us and heals us. It is in these moments when we admit that we really do not know that we can be open to what He wants to teach us. What God wants for us is so much more than what we are convinced we need. It is when we are finally humble that Jesus lifts our hearts, minds, attentions, and actions up to our Heavenly Father.

Lord, when I do not know…I trust that you do. When I cannot…I trust that through you, I can.

Viva Cristo Rey,
Dcn Gary